u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
