you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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