pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
