I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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