Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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