i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
