How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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