Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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