True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
