sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
