he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
