I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
