i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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