oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
