somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize