can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
