he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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