Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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