umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
