Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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