How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
