i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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