Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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