i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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