could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize