Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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