Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
