i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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