I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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