he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
