Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Everyone says I win the strip club
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
