at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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