bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
