Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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