I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
