I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize