i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
