His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
