So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
