the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
