you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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