I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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