Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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