I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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