That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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