I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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