I just pynch a tree in the face
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
