3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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