You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
