i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
