I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
