Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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