i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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