does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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