No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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