Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize