i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
