I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So many bounce houses so little time
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
