I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
