also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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