He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The adults are the big ones right?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
