there's paper in my vomit.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
This is classic penis vs brain.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
