he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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