turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
