Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
