Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
