are you so shy because you have an std?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
