see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
