Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
