So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
