Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Define "chronic" masturbator.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
