I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Randomize
