You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
