I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
