We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize