I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
