I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
