I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
