The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
