I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
