Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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