You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize