A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
