Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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