Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
