shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
