Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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