No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
