After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
50% drunk capacity currently
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
