That's intense
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
