Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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