im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
