New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
