So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
