when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
