Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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