You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
