My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
