My room smells like vodka and shame
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
