And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
