You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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