your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize