She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
