dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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