Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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